Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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