walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
