I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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