Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
