if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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