i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
