I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
