we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
