Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize