It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
