I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
