It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
