yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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