Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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