My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
