So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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