I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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