If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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