I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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