He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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