OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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