Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
PANTIES FOUND
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize