Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize