Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
