Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
