For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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