god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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