My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize