I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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