about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
