Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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