i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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