I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
