roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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