i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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