R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
