Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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