Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
