i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize