Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize