I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love having hate sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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