Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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