I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
