I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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