Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
