If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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