I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
