ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
