Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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