You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
