I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
