I want to make a zoo with you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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