i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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