I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did i walk over a car last night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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