I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
