Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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