Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
