i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
