i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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