five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
