Only a mothe r could love this liver
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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