my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
