She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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