there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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