Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i barfeds in our rink
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
