I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
