Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
