I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
