I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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