I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
