Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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