She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
