He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
