We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
