dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
