my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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