he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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