I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
