it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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