This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
