Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
