i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
