we have officially lost it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
