I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
