i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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