Got a toothbrush?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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