Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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