I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize