Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
