The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
