Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
