are you still at the devil's house?
how can u be prego again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
