I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to fling myself into the sun
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
