why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
