I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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