how can u be prego again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize