the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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