Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
