Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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