the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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