i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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