um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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