Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize