Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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