I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
