There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
