**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
