oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
